The BBC has announced plans for a new digital channel specifically designed to apologise for all of the corporation’s output. The channel, BBC Sorry, will be launched in the New Year to coincide with a new series of Top Gear.
Director-General of the BBC Mark Thompson today hailed the new channel, then apologised immediately for raising his voice. ‘BBC Sorry won’t compliment our other channels, but it will grovel for them,’ confirmed Thompson. ‘While the rest of the media tells our viewers what they should be offended by, as a public service broadcaster we feel it is our duty to cater for popular demand and provide a dedicated service that nods sagely and agrees with their righteous indignation.’
The launch of the channel comes as some of the BBC’s most recent apologies have proven more popular than the programmes that caused offence in the first place. Comments made by Jeremy Clarkson have caused such outrage that they have actually driven some viewers to consider watching The One Show. ‘But the beauty of BBC Sorry,’ continued Thompson, ‘is that instead of sitting through the whole show to watch the bits that have been edited to cause offence, we’ll just show you the highlights.’
Viewers have welcomed the new service. ‘After seeing the reaction to Clarkson’s outburst, I was really aggrieved that I didn’t take offence when I watched it live with my wife,’ said teacher Derek Compton. ‘It wasn’t until I read about it later in The Guardian that I realised just how offended I should have been. When you take his comments completely out of context they are absolutely unforgiveable, so I definitely think he should be sacked. BBC Sorry will stop me missing future opportunities to be morally outraged.’
Thompson admitted that BBC Sorry had met some resistance in the planning stages. ‘Some of our presenters think it’s our job to defend them when something they say is used as the basis for a lazy personal attack by journalists with an agenda,’ he said. ‘But that’s a very confrontational attitude. It’s much easier to look sad, stare down at your shoes and assure everyone that it won’t happen again.’
Since last week’s incident the BBC has fitted Clarkson and other presenters with their own ‘red button’ service. Viewers are urged to seek out programmes that might offend them and then press the red button to watch Mark Thompson wringing his hands and crying like a baby. ‘Some people seem to get off on being offended, so we have high hopes for BBC Sorry,’ said Thompson. ‘It’s amazing how open-minded people are these days to full-affrontal crudity.’
waylandsmithy (hat-tip to Username)via newsbiscuit.com